WICKED CREEK At 11 AM this morning, TEST Alliance CEO Sapporo Jones, High Inquisitor Migui X’hyrrn, Master of Sperg DurrHurrDurr, and resident shitposter Yolo Swagtron held a joint press conference to announce victory over the Roweena Azur-led Almost Awesome alliance (ticker NOFUX).
Sitting proudly upon his Slope Throne, CEO Sapporo Jones began the conference with a smile on his face.
“After just two weeks, I am here today to announce TOTAL VICTORY over the NOFUX alliance. With their CEO having quit, their largest corps gone, all sovereignty dropped or abandoned, and no pilots sighted anywhere in Wicked Creek for 24 hours, TEST alliance is proud to say that the people of Wicked Creek are free from the Roweena Azur menace. “
- Sapporo Jones
Mr. Jones then went into extensive detail on the constant barrage of smugposting he received from NOFUX CEO Roweena Azur. “I found this particularly troubling, since there was no way Roweena could possibly have mustered a defense. He was basically damning his pilots with his delusions of grandeur.”
He then had aids distribute Roweena’s Fairwell Letter to his alliance. In it, Azur deflects all blame, claims TEST could not stand up to him if only he had tried, and goes on to explain that he’s too busy pursuing “poontang” [sic] to play EVE any more.
You can find the full text of Roweena’s resignation letter here.
When asked whether NOFUX was any actual military threat worthy of such a massive amount of /r/eve posting, Head Inquisitor Migui issued the following statement.
“NOFUX was not, is not, and will now never be a significant threat to TEST or any other alliance. They were total shit. Rather, these events’ significance is two-fold: a revitalization of TEST as a strong, independent alliance, and a crystal-clear message to all those who would dare violate our blue standings. I remind you all: NOFUX was blue when its dreadnaughts jumped onto our station, sieged, and opened fire while their hired mercenaries deadzoned our home system.”
“We responded in kind.”
Asked where TEST is going from here, Mr. Swagtron enumerated on the incredible fights happening around-the-clock in the Wicked Creek region.
“We’re currently doing our best to expand our moon holdings and train up new Fleet Commanders. We and Rus are having a great time sparring over the region’s goo. My highest regards to Mr. White Don of Gorgon Empire, who has displayed some incredibly unique and strong tactics on the field lately. And Phoebe Freeport Republic, who are the most fun group to brawl with in the game.”
Expect more updates from Wicked Creek soon.
Further reading:
- Test Alliance Announces ‘Operation Equality’
- Slopes for the slope throne
- TEST Alliance reports ‘Operation Equality’ going well on all fronts
- TEST hazes NOFUX coalitions’ Ishtar fleet.
- Roweena arguing with allies who are trying to help him
- WICKED CREEK UPDATE: NOFUX forgets to set 1.3bil money moon to shoot hostiles. TEST Alliance CEO Jones quoted as saying “Thanks Roweena!”
- AMA request: people from this NOFUX corp that lost 2 JFs, 2 rorqs and a freighter in less than a week
- TEST Alliance announces plans for upgrades to the Sapporo Jones Slope Throne™
