After a month-long drought, TEST Alliance today announced its cherished cache of local tears has been fully replenished.
Unable to understand why its small, inexperienced pilot and FC group couldn’t win any strategic objectives, the coalition dubbed BLUEfux resorted to a time-tested strategy utilized by failscading alliances time and time again: making shit up and lying to its members.
elite god > your leadership is begging goons for help
elite god > its going to be bad when they are not here to help you guys but deploy here anyways
elite god > your about to lose your renters and your worried your isk is running out
elite god > its offical your not being paid anymore
Feeling pity, TEST Military Director Woo decided to make the end a quick one for dear BLUEFUX. In high command channels, Mr. Woo fought to spare the poor, helpless coalition of having to live with the shame of failing timer after timer for a week.
“Let’s just put the poor dog down.”
Kenshin Woo
Mr. Woo reached out to long-time TEST bros Pandemic Legion to provide a quick and painless reinforcement of all systems simultaneously.
Shortly after reinforcement timers appeared on every structure in every BLUEFUX system, the TEST tear cache received generous donations from all over the region.
Sneakalot > bunch of wimps… you guys STUN me… you have more than enough ppl… more than 10 to 1 and you still hire guns… you SUCK
WhiteSleeve > you’ll have to tell me what it’s like to be 50 and never been laid
WhiteSleeve > and not being a man of god in the proces
Takeda Shiko > why does everyone hate on TEST?
Takeda Shiko > did they pee in your breakfast cereal?
elite god > they ust hired pl to purge wicked creek
elite god > because they couldnt handle less than 100 people when their a 5000 man alliance
elite god > 1000*
elite god > o and they spent all their saving doing it and are shutting down srf programs they had up
Shortly afterwards, TEST Intelligence agents leaked an intercepted all-members EVEmail from BLUEFUX leadership to its members. Jabber is complicated, after all.
Coalition Information: MUST READ
From: elite god
Sent: 2015.04.28 08:46
Hello People,
I want to say first off, I am proud of all of you; even to the people who have been here for only 2 days. A lot has been going on at a very rapid pace and we as leadership are keeping up with all of it. Many of the details of the situation have not been reaching line membership, These are the facts to prepare everyone on what is going on. Our ability to take on test alone this has given us notoriety across eve, and the testies still have no idea why half of us are here. I am glad to say thanks to our efforts in this conflict and people seeing test working with mutual enemies, we have grown our list of friends who are going to assist us in our campaign against test. Full scale. We have created the most active war zone in the entire game, so guys please pat yourselves on the back.
I want to say straight off the bat, the station timer in Q-GQHN - we will defend. But to do this we need all hands on deck. We do not care what skill point level you are at nor do we care if you have the proper ships out here. There are plenty of supplies out here in null that we can get to you and fully fit your ships. Please have your ships fit to coalition specs. These fittings are in your corporation window in the alliance tab. If you cannot fly them or do not have the resources - down ship. If you do not see the supplies out here, please reach out to your leadership and they will get it out here for you through logistics. If you are buying off the market please check the prices because test is buying things up and inflating prices (best option is to go to contracts or ask if there is any contracts for what you need, still check prices just in case). These are people in the alliance/coalition who can help get you fitting layouts/modules, -LIST-
In a less than a day and a half were going to give it all we got, The timer comes out at X eve time (that is UTC in a timezone converter). If you want to confirm the exact time look at the station timer. This will be an all out battle and everyone needs to be there, no excuses (please try to be there an hour before the timer comes out of reinforce); if you’re playing the game. I am not going to lie to you guys, it’s going to be a toss-up. But if we do succeed here, we will regain the momentum we have lost. We need to demoralize the enemy and grind down their numbers through confusion and frustration. We have a great shot at this. We are in our defining moment. If we fail, we do have back up plans and we will follow through on them. This war will be defined in this battle.
Leadership is concerned with the ability of the line members not understanding how to behave as a pvp force. It is not just one alliance, it is across the board in multiple alliances. Our FCs are some of the best in the game and on top of that I believe is the same for coalition leadership. What we have all agreed on is that no matter what happens, all the alliances will stick by each other and create a home for all of us to grow stronger together. (I might put something in here about the fact that nullsec is changing and there will be many opportunities because of that) We do not have the time to train everyone up, a lot of the training you will be getting right now is trial by fire - but we will train you.
We will have a meeting Saturday 22:00 eve time. This is after the station timer, we are going to brief everyone on what the coalition will be doing and our progress and it will depend on the outcome here. We will be detailing plans for training ops and other alliance/coalition operational details for everyone. Also remember to be in the 2 coalition channels and coalition mailing list.
I feel like the 300 Spartans fighting the Persian horde. If we do lose, lets be a source of inspiration and return 10 times stronger. All I ask from all of you is to put it all on the line as a force we can be proud of and be the force that finally put the dinosaur down for good.
If you have any questions or concerns please let your leadership know and if your hesitant to even to throw it all on the line, please ask yourself, why do you play eve?
Thank you EG
PS: Thank you Piotr Engels for editing.
TEST CEO Xerxes Jones was seen cracking an out-of-character smile as he sat upon his Golden Throne of Slopes.